Power + Love: The Women’s Way

Power and love is the ultimate combination. Real power is benevolent; it seeks to energize, equalize, and embolden others toward their most magnificent selves.

When leaders manage others while firmly rooted in power and love, two things happen: (1) people naturally follow and (2) the potential for meaningful impact is profound. While power and love can be either inherent or developed in all genders, women’s natural nurturing instincts, especially when combined with power, can produce the courageous positive disruption we need in our world today.

In today’s times, with Hillary Clinton having a real shot at being elected the first female USA president, I’m primed to notice ways that female power can support our world. I wonder things like this: What would happen if a woman was leading our country? Would there be less aggression, and could peace and change be brought about in new ways?

Introduction to my special guest: Vijaya Nene, Vice President and Director of Operations and Services at PNB Metlife India, leads a team of about 300 leaders and is responsible for defining and implementing PNB Met Life’s corporate customer service strategy. Recently, my team at Cream of the Crop Leaders conducted an executive presence training for Vijaya Nene and her senior executives in Mumbai, India. Watching Vijaya lead her all-male team, I learned to admire this extraordinary woman.

Sioux Messinger: Vijaya, since Cream of the Crop Leaders facilitated The Executive Presence Training for your Mumbai executive group, I’ve had my heart set on exploring, with you, the issues of power, love, equality and women. I believe these go together.

I personally watched you lead your all-male senior leader team with power and love. I remain touched by how fully empowered each leader was – while remaining securely connected with you and the other leaders.

Tell me, Vijaya, a bit about your background.

Vijaya Nene: I am very fortunate to have had a childhood that shaped me to be what I am today.  My early childhood memories are filled with such joy, happiness and freedom and fun that they propel me throughout my life. My parents – especially my father – had a tremendous influence on me. He was a virtual saint, without following religious activities or rituals.

My father had all possible reasons to be sad and unhappy; he was burdened with loads of responsibilities and he had a huge constraint of resources. Despite all of this – his never-say-no attitude, his ability to bring smiles and his hope, was amazing. He just believed in being good, and doing good. He had a fine sense of humor and fathomless compassion for everybody. He influenced me greatly to value and respect relationships and love life. Though I was not great at studies initially, I have always been very sensitive towards others’ feelings and a sensible human being. 

This makes me to be passionate about whatever I do, whether small or big – I need to have the passion and purpose in doing the things. I’ve always enjoyed my freedom and pursued things that came my way and interested me. I can only do things which I enjoy. Conversely, I have the ability to enjoy what I am doing most of the time. 

Sioux Messinger: Your passion is evident – and PNB Met Life clearly reaps the rewards. My hunch is that the positive mental attitude learned from your father contributed to your success. Studies have shown a clear correlation between thinking habits and top performance, which is why we share these tools in our Executive Presence Training.

Vijaya Nene: Yes my father instituted a very strong value system in me to live life and an equal positive influence has been my husband. He is responsible for my refinement of attitude and ability. He respects me and gives me the confidence to pursue my interests or do the things I like to without any fear or prejudice. He respects my individuality and freedom and does not impose anything on me. He lets me be myself.

I am blessed to have loads of other good people around me – from my house maid to relatives, to my friends and neighbors; they are always there for me. Equally good people are those at my work place.

Sioux Messinger:  Sounds as if the people, including the men, in your life have respected your pursuits as a woman.  As you know, I believe that love and power are connected. Your father and husband, both loving and strong, may have been catalysts to your ability to lead with power and love.

Tell me, Vijaya, how did you start as a leader?

Vijaya Nene: My mom says that, even as a child, I would always be clear about what I wanted. Later, all critical decisions were made directly by me; and while I did have great support, these decisions were mine. 

Perhaps this freedom to make decisions empowered me with conviction. To be a leader first you need to lead your own life down the path of self-conviction and choice.

Sioux Messinger: Words of wisdom. I believe that transformational leadership is inside-out learning. In my experience, true leaders are committed to their own growth. How did you feel about leadership in the beginning? Were you confident?

Vijaya Nene: The first real leadership position officially given to me was at an age of twenty-three when I joined Life Insurance Corporation of India as a direct recruit officer. To be honest, this was not easy job. Every day would test my confidence and conviction; all the more so given that I was a young lady. There were times I felt like giving up and going back to my comfort zone.  But I realized then that these paths (once you choose to travel) they close behind you and the only way you can move is ahead; the choice of going back is not a choice. Tenacity and support from my husband helped me stand firm and become better with each adversity. Innately, my parents made me so tough that I have the ability to bounce back within no time.

Sioux Messinger: This makes a lot of sense to me. The willingness to move outside of one’s healthy comfort zone will determine whether one remembers their magnificence and benevolent power. Vijaya, tell me more about the challenges you encountered when you just started as a leader.

Vijaya Nene: My gender and age were the biggest constraints to others accepting me as a leader. This is about twenty-seven years back, when finding young women as leaders was uncommon. Getting the acceptance from everyone around me – not just my team, but my peers and boss – was a tough ask. It took absolutely tremendous effort, again and again, for me to instill the confidence of others so that they can see that I really mean business and am not a bimbo. As a society we still doubt women’s talents and abilities. So, these same challenges persist even long after.

Sioux Messinger: You mentioned that it was unusual to find women leaders in India twenty-seven years ago. How about now?  Speak to the prevalence of women leaders in India today.

Vijaya Nene: Today it is a lot better. You find women in senior positions. Although not in very high percentage, senior women leaders are not abnormal in positions of importance and decision making. Metro cities and multinational corporations have especially moved ahead to accept this reality.

Sioux Messinger:  What about power? How do you understand power?

Vijaya Nene: I define power as the ability to influence the environment and people around you in a positive way. Power is not something that you wield, but something to which people willingly yield to. Power does not come to you with designation, position, age or social status. Real power emerges from strong unconditional positive feelings like love, compassion, forgiveness and gratitude. Power is not restricted to your own self; power is like an aura and you spill that positive power around you. By spreading positivity, compassion, and happiness wherever you happen to be, you help others achieve their dreams. 

Powerful people do not let down others. They lend the strength for others to become strong and come up. Positive power is contagious. Powerful people help people around them to become strong and positive.

Sioux Messinger: Tell me about a situation when you feel powerful.    

Vijaya Nene: I generally invest my time in people who I think can make a positive difference. There are two types of good people: (1) those who think about themselves first and then about others and (2) those who think about others first and about themselves later. I tend to invest more of my time for the latter category of people as I believe they are capable of causing more happiness and harmony in the environment. These people are more open, and generally capable of spreading positivity and happiness. When I invest my time to make these people better leaders I really feel very powerful and strong, since I see my strength being demonstrated and reflected through them. It is a great feeling of power – positive power.

Sioux Messinger: Women often feel as if they will be punished if they demonstrate leadership traits. This is sometimes referred to as ‘walking a fine line’.  For example, on one hand women leaders have to make sure they aren’t seen as too bossy. On the other hand they can’t be seen as pushovers. What advice do you have for younger women who want to fully own their power, without compromise? 

Vijaya Nene: You are right, Sioux. Women are often judged with the measure of performance that is so typical of men. While we all know men and women think differently and handle the things differently, when it comes to measure, the yardstick does not reflect women at all. Women in corporate sector senior positions are still in single digit numbers. It takes extra effort for women to stand in position of power and decision making alongside men.

My advice to young women is be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and be in control of both. I always believe a successful leader has a fine mix of male and female qualities of leadership; these leaders are atypical, and beyond gender grading. So, women leaders need to develop some amount of qualities that are unique to men through deliberate effort. The first impression others may have of a lady is that she can be bulldozed. But, the strength of a woman’s character, and the conviction and clarity of her purpose will make people realize how strong she is as a leader.

Being a lady means that we are blessed with many qualities – like compassion, kindness, and etcetera. Make the best use of these qualities in your leadership style. Leadership is not about being loud; it is all about being heard in the right way.

Sioux Messinger: Vijaya, you are an extraordinary woman and leader. Thank you for sharing your heartwarming wisdom with me. 

Conclusion (Sioux Messinger). Power and Love move mountains. When combined, they give birth to our biggest, brightest selves, and level playing fields. Hillary Clinton’s run for presidency, and the public banter which follows, reflects both our advancement in gender equality, and the work we all still get to do to ensure that women are treated as full equals, which they are.

My advice to women: Stop apologizing for your power. Embrace it, with love.

Here’s the fine line I’m walking: power and love at the same time. Walk with me, talk with me: Sioux@CreamoftheCropLeaders.com.

May all beings remember their full magnificence and benevolent power.

 

 

 

About the author. Sioux Messinger is Co-Founder and CEO of Cream of the Crop Leaders, a company that specializes in executive presence training, executive leadership training and executive presence for women. Clients include leaders from Facebook, Red Cross and Doctors Without Borders. Cream of the Crop Leaders’ number one priority is the equality of all human beings.